Each of us has an innate longing to feel accepted and worthy to belong, and most of us want to become the best that we can be. Being part of a group, being accepted by others, showing others and ourselves that we are alike is a need that is expressed from a very early age. Our culture encourages conformity, and in many ways conformity can be a good thing, such as conforming to standards of technical design and development, productivity and cleanliness, or in our caring for others. Conformity to these ideals could be considered a positive expectation. Yet sometimes we take conformity too far.

Many of us do not capitalize on our potential greatness because we are uncomfortable with the feelings of not fitting in. The overwhelming need to feel accepted by our peers and others can convince us that it is in our best interest to over look our own sense of want, in order to conform. Left unexamined this over looking process, which encourages us to be skeptical and untrusting of our feelings, can lead us into self-deception.

I have heard it suggested by social scientists and engineers that the average person has about seven individuals who are the centers of influence in their life and upon whose approval their decisions are based. A casual examination of ones life will reveal obvious examples such as a spouse, parent, friend, employer and trusted advisor; healthy and encouraging relationships that nourish and uplift each other to the achievement of their greatest potential.

There are some that are entrusted with this power over our lives, which are often overlooked, never realizing the influence they play in our choices. The fear of rejection pacifies many into hoping and believing that “they” know best, as these timid souls are pushed into conformity with what “they” say. One doesn’t have to look very far, however, to realize that there is an endless supply of “Back-Seat Drivers”, “Arm-Chair Quarterbacks” and “Rearview Mirror Investors”. Well-meaning individuals, often lacking the courage to follow their own counsel, who are always ready and willing to accept available positions of influence. Unfortunately it is these unsuspecting victims that allow these would-be advisors the opportunity to experience their own unchallenged theories, in an environment free from consequence.

The need to conform can cause moments of discomfort for the best of us, but a far greater challenge remains for the individual who does not recognize the existence of their centers of influence. Many times we allow the most critical and disagreeable characters to be given this power in our lives simply through our attempts to prove them and their opinions wrong. Often ex-spouses, teachers and other overly critical individuals are allowed to influence the choices of their former associates as they attempt to regain acceptance and overcome the effects and statements of war.

The idea of facing reality can be frightening and overwhelming, but being attune and responsive to one’s own inner senses is the only way to remove the facade and take back control of life.

“There is only one sure way to avoid criticism: Don’t say, have, do or be anything!” Unknown